Archive for May, 2010
Day 51- I have a friend who looks like Haley Joel Osment. Whenever I’m around him I have to double check to make sure I’m not dead.11
My INCEPTION Experience
1- TRON: Legacy–The action looks cool, but the main actor, newcomer Garrett Hedlund, seems like a bad actor.
2- DUE DATE: Starring my two favorite people, Robert Downey Jr and Zach Galifinakis (a match made in heaven), this movie promises to be funny. It is also directed by Todd Phillips, who did Old School and The Hangover. It seems like a dog with a cone around its head has replaced “Carlos” as Zach Galifinakis’ funny accessory.
3- THE TOWN- Good news: A cool, gritty, bank robbing heist drama. Bad News: Directed by Ben Affleck. Good News: Starring JON HAMM!!!! Bad News: He has lines like “This is the not screwing around crew!” What a stupid, weird, not-dramatic line. Also, in the beginning of the trailer, Jon Hamm asks the girl, “Could you see anything through the blindfold” and then after some quick cuts of crazy shit, she says after a dramatic pause…..”No.” After which, Jon Hamm looks up dramatically, giving a look that says, “UH OH. That’s not good.” IT’S NORMAL! She was blind folded! Of COURSE she wouldn’t have been able to see anything! DUH! This movie looks like its trying to do waaay too much. It seems almost like an amalgamation of lots of too many movie cliches–Cops vs. Robbers, Family v. Friends, Old Life v. New Life, Get Rich or Die Trying, Boston Trash v. the Upper Crust, Daddy Issues. There are random shots of baseball games, of Ben Affleck taking off his mask revealing that HE IS A ROBBER, and a mandatory “DO YOU LOVE ME?” line. Too much ridiculousness. As much as I like the actors in this movie, it looks really stupid. Check out the trailer though: http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/wb/thetown/
ALRIGHT–ON TO INCEPTION!****PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE SOME SPOILERS!
I really enjoyed Inception. I was never bored. I was amazed by the visuals. The acting was great. It was super fun. It made me use my brain. Having said all that, to me Inception was a movie that could have been written by some seriously drug-induced college film majors who had been up way too late doing drugs.
Bro: Dude–you know how sometimes you have some weird fucking dreams.
Guy: Yea dude totally.
(Bro takes massive bong rip)
Bro: So like, last night I dreamed I was like dreaming….but like I woke up. And I was like—but THIS isn’t my room! Cause it was liked filled with sharks. And then I really woke up.
Guy: Dude that’s intense.
Bro: I know dude! THERE WERE FUCKING SHARKS IN MY ROOM! Like there was one on the futon.
Guy: I like, can never remember my dreams.
Bro: That’s the way it works Brosario Dawson.
Guy: WAIT! Dude–you know how I have to write like 15 pages of the screenplay for Wednesday.
Bro: That’s today.
Bro: What were you gonna say though?
Guy: Well like what if…like I wrote a movie about like my dreams.
Bro: Like the shark on your futon
Guy: Well not—
Bro: Cause they already did that with Shark Tale.
Guy: No, its not about the sha-
Bro: That movie was HILARIOUS! Cuz like Will Smith was a fish—
Bro: And like Angelina Jolie was a fish–and I’d never gotten a boner around sea life before–
Guy: I wanna tell you about this movie!
Bro: (pause) What movie?
Guy: So this movie–theres a guy, and he likes goes INSIDE DREAMS!
(Bro does a line of coccaine)
Bro: And he fucking TAKES THAT DREAM!
Bro: FUCKING JUST SNATCHES IT! Like a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie!
(Bro suddenly swivels his head around jarringly. Rushes to the pantry. Takes out a bag of Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chip cookies. Looks around)
(Pause. Then looks straight over at refrigerator. Rushes over. Opens it and takes out a jar of peanut butter. Smiles. Takes a cookie. Opens the jar and jams cookie as hard as he can into the peanut butter. Takes a bite.)
Oh my FUCKING GOD! YES! YES! FUCK YES!
(Goes and sits back down next to Guy)
So then he like has to replace the dream with something else! Like another dream!
(Guy does a line of coke)
Guy: These dudes go around stealing dreams from people’s minds!
Bro: And then one time they go deeper! Like a two-layered dream!
Guy: Like mine!
Guy: (pause) What?
Bro: Am I real?
Bro: Don’t mess with me now.
Guy: Dude you’re real.
Bro: Touch my ear.
Guy: Dude why are you bugging out?
Bro: CUZ I’M ROBOTRIPPING!
Guy: You’re robotripping?
Bro: Yea dude, we’re robotripping remember?
Guy: NO! Wait….what?
(Bro points to an empty jar of Robitussin on the coffee table)
Guy: Dude when did we decide to robotrip?
Bro: I don’t know….Monday.
Guy: What day is it today?
(Bro looks at the Peanuts clock on the wall)
Bro: I don’t know! WAIT! (pause) It’s 2:15.
Guy: We started watching TV at like 11.
Bro: That’s when we must have started tripping
Guy: I feel like I’ve been high for 96 hours!
Bro: Wait. Family Guy is on at 1.
Guy: Right. (pause)
Bro: Is this real life?
Guy: We couldn’t have been tripping for 96 hours cause I had lunch this afternoon and I wasn’t robotripping.
Bro: Each minute feels like 4.
Guy: I’M TETHERED TO THIS CHAIR!
Guy: Kick my chair! I can’t get out of it!
Bro: Are those stairs going up or down?
Guy: How much does this pen weigh? It feels different from before!
Bro: THERE’S A TRAIN COMING RIGHT TOWARDS ME!
Dude: WHY IS GROWING PAINS ON TV!
Bro: THE ROOM IS CAVING IN!
Dude: CHRIS WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!
(In the corner, a young man named Chris Nolan is laughing and typing furiously at his type writer.)
FLASHFORWARD 25 YEARS.
Warner Exec (putting down a script): This isn’t bad Chris, it’s just…it seems like…you were on something when you wrote it.
Chris Nolan: I’m sorry, how much did The Dark Knight make?
Warner Exec: Inception is green lit. Here’s 150 million dollars.
Those are my thoughts. Like I said before, I thought it was a really cool movie. It just seemed like the plot was actually very simple: Guy has to convince other guy of something so he can get what he wants. But it was made super complicated just for the fun of it. And they added explosions and stuff cause–why not? Everyone loves explosions! But it was well-acted, and Juno was good.