Since it debuted last year after the season finale of American Idol, GLEE has become a cultural phenomenon. People seem to love the cast, the music (which is hitting the tops of the iTunes charts), the tone, the stories and all of that hullabullo. I myself must admit that I do indeed enjoy the show from time to time. (FALSE. I never miss an episode on Hulu.) But as much as I love the beautifully Semitic Lea Michele and outrageously hilarious Jane Lynch, I do have a few petty gripes about the show.

1. The actors who play Finn and Puck are 27 years old! The actor who plays the Will Schuester, the teacher, is 31! True, both “high schoolersdont exactly look 27, but now that I know they are, it just is a bit weird for me. I wonder how old the actresses are…(Yea–the guy in the picture looks 16!)

2. Will Schuester tears up more than middle schoolers do at their last school dance. I feel like he cries in every episode! In the pilot he cries when he finds out his bitch wife is pregnant and when the kids sing “Dont Stop Believing.” I think Will cries in episode 3, when he finds out his dad is going to law school. He cries in another episode when he sees the fake sonogram of his fake baby. He cries when his kids do nice things with wheelchairs. He cries when he finds out his wife has been lying to him, he cries when he realizes that the teacher he has a crush on is getting married, and he cries when he hears the kids sing at sectionals over the phone. He cries when he ties his shoes. He cries when he has to make a number 2. The dude is one big crying pussy. As my friend Joseph “loves to go mountain climbing in the terrorist infested Sinai Desert” Rosenberg says way too often, “MAN UP!” Stop crying all the time. It cheapens real emotional moments if he cries every damn time something happens to him!

3. Terri Schuester. Will’s wife. She’s just plain annoying. You hate her from the first episode and never realize why Will is still with her. Luckily, it seems as if she’s out of the picture a bit more.

4. Everything Mercedes Jones says is cliched “sassy black woman” speak. For example:
“Oh, HELL to the naw! Look, I’m not down with this background singing nonsense! I’m BeyoncĂ©, I ain’t no Kelly Rowland.”
“Why do we need to go all vanilla on this song? What we need is my chocolate thunder.”

I feel like Mercedes’ only defining characteristics are that she is sassy, and proud to be black. There was one episode where her character was given a bit more depth (the one where she wants to date Kurt), but that storyline was used more as a plot device to help Kurt come out. All I’m saying is, give the sistah* more to do and say!
*J.Wizzle, as the “Ehollywood Nonsense Race Expert, maybe you have more to say on the subject…?

5. I dont think Puck is a great actor, and there’s too much baby mama drama. Hopefully that will all end soon.

THAT’S ENOUGH ABOUT GLEE. I’m going to switch gears now to do something I was thinking about today.

Here are some of my TV Best Ofs.

Best Sitcom of All Time- Seinfeld
– Perfect storytelling and timeless.

Best Animated Sitcom of All Time- The Simpsons
– Set the bar. And continued to raise it.

Funniest Show of All Time- Arrested Development
– Also the most brilliant.

Funniest Kids Show of All Time- Animaniacs!
– I’ve written about this before.

Weirdest Kids Show of All Time- Weinerville
– What isn’t weird about giant heads in tiny bodies?

Best Show about Presidents of All Time- The West Wing
– The theme music seals the deal for me.

Best Show from Australia- Summer Heights High
– Puck you Miss!

Best Comedy Series That Only Lasted One Season- Stella
– Modern day Marx Brothers shorts

Best Drama Series Set in an Office- The West Wing
– I love me some Jedediah Bartlett

Best Comedy Series Set in an Office- The Office (UK)
– I have to choose this over the US version because it came first.

Best US Version of a British Comedy Series- The Office (US)
– There you go.

Biggest Impact of a Show With A Short Lifespan- The O.C.
– Think about it, it is responsible for Laguna Beach, all the Real Housewives Shows, Gossip Girl, and the entire ABC Family lineup. It reinvented or perhaps reinvigorated the prime time soap opera by involving hot, rich teenagers.

TV Show that Launched the Career of the Biggest Star- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
– I was tempted to say E.R., but Up in the Air did not make $70 million opening weekend.

Best Series Taking Place in the 1960s- Mad Men
– Runner Up: The Brady Bunch

Best IMPROV TV Show- Whose Line is it Anyway?
– Half of America had never heard of improv until this show

Guy who felt the worst when another TV succeeded- Jamie Kennedy
– Seeing Punk’d become a cultural phenomenon, after his own hidden camera show, “The Jamie Kennedy Experiment” bombed, must have SUCKED.

Best Dan Schneider (look him up–he created all of Nickelodeon’s shows and their spinoffs) Show- All That!

Best Sketch Comedy Show of All Time- SNL
– Name me another sketch comedy show that’s lasted 35 years

Best TV Theme Song of Al Time- Growing Pains
– There are so many good ones, but for me, this one sticks.


Worst Game Show Involving Suitcases- Deal or No Deal
– SIDE BAR ANECDOTE. An episode of Deal or No Deal was on at the gym (YEA, I GO TO THE GYM! SO WHAT?) and it was a college edition. When I tuned in, the dude picking the suitcases had 4 left: $5, $10, $50, $50,000. He picks a case–it’s the $50,0000 one. He’s then given a deal for $25. He says no deal. He picks another case. It’s the $50 one. He’s given a deal now for $7.50!!! No deal! He picks another case! $10! So he’s left with his own suitcase worth $5. It was the least amount of money I’ve ever seen anyone win on any game show ever! Hilarious!

Worst IMPROV TV Show- Wild N’Out
– Nick Cannon is to comedy what Mariah Carey is to comedy

Worst Premise for a TV Show- My Mother The Car
– The guy’s mother was reincarnated as a talking car!

Worst Spinoff– Joanie Loves Chachi
– I love Joanie. I love Chachi. I dont like Joanie Loves Chachi.

Show that Most Definitely Was Racist- Homeboys from Outer Space
– This was a real show. It starred the guy from “One on One” (Flex Alexander). I think the NAACP staged an intervention.

Worst Lead Actress on a TV Show- Fran Drescher
– I dont want to talk about it.

Alright. I’m spent. I’m sure there are a lot more I could write about, but I’m tired and I want spaghetti. So…

Until Tomorrow—

PS. How do you pronounce Ke$ha’s name?
PPS. Agree OR disagree with my bests/worsts? Comment!